Differences

Things I do differently, now I'm a chemo patient.

1. Shopping (food)

This would involve whirling around the supermarket, pushing a trolley that became increasingly full, until it was difficult to corner. I would fill it with squashable stuff that would mean it was almost impossible to put large heavy things into it; like wine and bottles of pop, that always seem to be in the very last aisle!

Now, when I am on a "good week," (week 3 of the cycle) I wander, rather than whirl and sometimes have to have a rest when I have finished. For a week to ten-days following chemo, it's an online shop. Usually though, my very amazing husband Tim does it.

2. Shopping (Clothes)

How I love proper, girly shopping trips. I have been known to arrive at Meadowhall at opening time and mooch around; shopping/coffee/shopping/lunch/shopping/coffee, etc. until almost closing time.

Now... Much more coffee, far less mooching!

3. Work

I love to work. Always have done. I frequently work long hours, carry on at home and at weekends. A usual day begins at around 08:30 and ends any time between 18:00 and 20:00. Well, it did, and still does on good weeks.

I am very lucky to have a boss who is incredibly understanding and this helps more than I could explain. On week one, I work from home, punctuated with naps and I work when I feel up to it and as dictated by my steroid-affected sleeping patterns - if this is from 9:00 pm until 01:00 am, so be it. Week two will find me arriving at around 09:30 am, as I cannot rush around in the morning; it takes me longer to get going. I also need to be dropped off and picked up again because I struggle with the walk up the hill to the car park. If I have to take this on, I end up stopping halfway taking huge interest in the window of the bag and shoe shop, (any excuse) while I catch my breath.

4. Wash my hair.

Previously, I did this in the shower. John Frieda shampoo and conditioner, mousse, drying, gel spray, shiny spray and the lovely smell of hair products.

Now, I take my hair off and brush it. Then, I fill the kitchen sink with hot water and add fabric softener, I like Comfort Pure for this. I then swirl my hair around in the water, before lifting it out and rinsing it. It is then hung to dry in the laundry room, with the lovely smell of freshly-done washing.

There are many other little things I do differently now, such as writing EVERYTHING down, having to concentrate intently on conversation - I am so easily distracted, I can forget what I'm saying, halfway through a sentence! I know many people talk about about "chemo brain" and I can definitely confirm its... Ooh there's that lovely Colin Firth chap on my tellybox... What was I saying?


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Conker Strings & Heartstrings

Today, while clearing out the sweet wrappers, screwed up bits of paper, conkers and toy cars, from Betty's school bag, I came across this card.



When I opened it, it brought tears to my eyes.

Betty is nine and the card is from one of her classmates. What a wonderful friend she has in Olivia.


Nothing I can or need to say. I just wanted to share.

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Wiggle It

Yes, I'm talking about hair again. But I know from personal experience and from speaking with other cancer patients that the hair loss is a big deal.

Last time, I didn't lose all of my hair; this time I have. Last time, it was summer, so wigs were itchy and made me hot. I mostly wore scarves, which were much cooler than the wig I had. This time, it is colder and I have lost all of my hair; well, I shaved off the last few tufts that were clinging on. I am a bit braver and am enjoying trying all the different options, wigs, scarves and beanie hats!

I dug out my favourite scarf from last time and wore it like this:



Then today, I wore my long, dark wig, with a gorgeous red hat that the incredibly kind @JudeHanlon knitted for me!


This is me with my daughter Betty, (she has hair so long, she can easily sit on it). We were at an event at Pollyanna in Barnsley, where the wonderful Rita Britton made sure I had my make-up done as a treat.

It is the little things like this that help such a lot. Chemo is tough, I cannot lie, but taking little bits of pleasure and enjoying the positives that come along are important steps along the way.

PS. I promise to add a picture of my red graduated-bob wig soon!


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The Rest

Rest is important at the best of times but while having chemo, it is vital to listen to your body and allow it proper time to heal. This is definitely not giving up. This is being sensible.

Now, with me being someone for whom "sensible" has always been difficult in such situations, this raises challenges! Last cycle of chemo, I was determined to return to "normal" (bear with me, there will be quite a few quotation marks on my blog!) as quickly as possible. This was a great aim but not really sensible and I suffered for it.

This week I have taken it much slower and have definitely felt better for it. The main thing is I have listened to my body. No one will think badly of me for saying I need to rest and the fact I know this to be true is an incredible tribute to my friends, family, work colleagues and the boss.

This is what makes the treatment easier to bear, less stressful and allows it to be something that fills as small a space in my life as possible. For that I am incredibly grateful and thank you all.


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