Hairmageddon

Today turned out to be THE day. Hairmageddon as my husband Tim named it.

The day when I stepped into the shower and my hair fell out a handful at a time. I had to keep unblocking the plug, there was so much of it.

When looking back at the last time this happened, the first time I had cancer, I always said it was the most traumatic part of the journey.  This time though, I knew it was coming and thought it would be easier.  Last time, I was very lucky to not lose it all and hoped that would be the case this time too.  It isn't though, it is already much worse than it got at the end of my treatment last time.

At my lowest, most self-absorbed points I keep remembering that photograph of Jade Goody, when she had lost all of her hair.  That is the last memory her children have of her.  I'm not giving up or anything but the thought of that terrifies me. 

On the plus side, I have a fab wig and today Tim took me to Meadowhall to buy a couple of hats.  I also have my scarves from last time and quite enjoyed creating designs to wear, decorating them with lovely pins and weaving bits of material here and there to make them look pretty, so I can look forward to doing that again!

Despite the tears and upset, I have to think positively.  Losing my hair is a sign that the chemo is getting around my system and that's a good thing.  At the end of the day, I will put up with anything, if it means I can stick around!

I still have songs to sing, dances to dance, hugs to give, children to love, (and embarrass) and hold.  There is so much to do!  I have a picture in my head of Tim and me, still holding hands when we are old - and in that picture, I'm NOT the bald one... 

That is what I want to make sure of, so bring on whatever this treatment has got.  I'll take it all, it's a trade-off and one that is absolutely worth it.